Persevering Paige

Dear Matthew,

First, I would like you to know how much it means to me that you chose me to be your sponsor. You asked me on Christmas Day, and it was the best Christmas present I have ever received. My heart is so full for you, of happiness and love. You have seen firsthand how much I have struggled with various situations in our life up until this point, yet despite that, you still chose to ask me, and I want you to know what that means to me.

Your middle name is Thomas, so it was only a little humorous that you are choosing St. Thomas as your confirmation saint. You see, it’s ironic and silly because your confirmation name is supposed to give you a new name in the faith. I chose Saint Louise-so in the Catholic Church, my name is Paige Alexandra Louise Hockman. Yours is Matthew Thomas Thomas Hockman 😉 just one of the many reasons why I love you.

I remember when you made your First Holy Communion, how Mom had to ask the priest to have yours several months earlier than all of your peers, because she was sick with terminal cancer and wanted to make sure she was there for it. I want you to know how much it breaks my heart that she will not physically be there to see you be confirmed, but that she will be there, in your heart and mine, and many other ways as well.

I would like to free your mind by saying: don’t worry, I will never drag you to church. I will never drag you to church because I physically cannot. As you know, we fight often and it is exhausting. You are to the point where you are taller than me and weigh more. I cannot drag you to church, and I have learned that when I try, it isn’t effective because you don’t get much out of it. Instead, I will strongly suggest it. I will be in your ear with my faith filled suggestions, always looking out for you. My hope is that you will choose to go. After all, confirmation is about choosing the faith for yourself. I know it isn’t the most exciting thing to do in the world, and trust me, as you know, I am not perfect and have been guilty of skipping mass before. However, I encourage you to go with me because I know there is nothing stronger than a sibling bond and with that being said, our sibling bond will thrive and so will our personal lives with the gift of God, so let’s go together, brother!

I have failed in my life. I have failed endlessly at so many things. I’m hard on myself, and have days where I want to give up. That is why I seek Jesus, and that is why I serve God. Because it gives me the grace and the courage to keep going and to try again. Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid to mess up. Yes, always try to be the best you can be and make the best decisions, but know that whatever you do, you have a God who will take it all and make your heart brand new. Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid to fall. Most of all, don’t be afraid to come to me, and together we can go to Him.

I know I don’t tell you this nearly enough, but I admire your strength and the kindness you possess just waiting to give out. Never lose that. You have endured far too much at far too young of an age, and as your older sister, that’s painful for me. It’s painful for me because I’ve been through it too, but mainly because I know how much losing Mom & Dad has hurt you, and how much you need them. Some days, it requires more effort for me to pick my cross up and carry it. That is when I call on Jesus to carry some of the weight.

I’m overjoyed that you are choosing the faith for yourself. I want you to know that this is a beginning, not an end! This is the beginning of your faith journey, and I cannot wait to watch you grow in faith and love.
As I was uploading this picture, I thought I lost everything I had typed, but then, I found it! See, always have faith. 🙂
Mom, and all of the Heavens sing for you, Matthew Thomas Thomas. May 26th will be a day to remember! ❤️