Persevering Paige

The world has changed so much in the 12 years since my Mom was here. From technology, to parenting, to the newest trends. Sometimes I think about what she would be like in today’s world. Would she have an iPhone? Would her world-views have changed?

When I reflect on all of this, it brings me to greater insight. Though I’m not yet a parent, I am a big sister and a teacher. Most of what I learned about parenting came from my own parents.

I don’t know if it is wrong to feel like this, but I am forever shaped by the love of my parents. Those that read what I write know how much I appreciate my Mom in particular. One thing I am grateful for is my Mom’s balance of love. She knew when to be gentle and she knew when tough love was the answer. It wasn’t one way all the time or the other, it was both, when necessary. I admire that a lot about her. She wasn’t afraid to speak softly when we were hurting and to help us understand where we were, just as she wasn’t afraid to tell us when we were being ridiculous and remind us that we don’t get to make the rules as children. The more I think about how much the world has changed and interaction expectations have altered, I am eternally grateful for my Mom’s constant balance. I think I would appreciate her less if she had been too gentle or too tough, or given me the world-view that I could never be wrong. She guided all of us quite strongly. I am mostly thankful that because of her ability to navigate parenthood with such balance of softness and strength, she gave me the gift of being able to search inside of myself to ask questions when I need to. Questions such as: Am I being too hard of heart? Was I right? Should I have done something differently? The same thing goes for statements that I make in my heart, like, “That was wrong and I will not stand for that.” “I know my worth and I know what is right and wrong.”

Basically, I had the best Mom ever, but I am thankful that she was not afraid to give her children tough love. Sometimes, I think people need it. If she was still here, she would still be tough and gentle. If there was a perfect combination of it all, it would be her.