Persevering Paige

I remember the day you were born. Mom was holding you in the hospital bed when I arrived with Danielle, and a nurse came in telling Mom that she needed to take you out for more bloodwork. Mom questioned her asking,”Really, more?” Dad then made a joke about where he slept in the hospital since Mom got the cozy hospital bed. He circled one area of the room floor and then said, “This is my bed!” Later, he took Danielle and I down to the gift-shop to get us a gift. We got two stuffed-animal cats which happen to be both of our favorite stuffed animals to this day, partially because Dad got them for us, and also because it reminds us of the day we got our brother.

I have often tried to describe you to people and I fail every time. You are seriously the most one-of-a-kind person I’ve ever met, and I end up telling people, “You just have to meet him.” Once they meet my 6’2”, red-headed, slightly clueless little brother, they get it. I know that you were meant to be mine…my only brother, and the best friend.

When I think over the course of our life, I think about how it hasn’t been easy. My heart breaks when I think about you losing Dad when you were only two and Mom when you were eight. The truth is, I’ve never actually cared about how it affected me, but always about how it affected you and Danielle. It makes me so sad that you don’t remember Dad and that you didn’t get to have Mom in your life for nearly as long as you deserved. Even though I was only 7 and 14, I know that I was meant to remember the memories of our younger days so that I could share them with you.

You have been through so much for an 18-year-old. Most people, much older than you, wouldn’t even know what to do with all of the hurt and empty spaces that we have had to live with. As the oldest and your oldest sister, I have tried to fill some of those gaps for you. I know that it could never be enough, or close to what you deserve, but I hope it has been something meaningful. Words could never express how much you mean to me and how much you always will. You have been one of the only people that has always been there in my life, and as you’ve gotten older and we have become close; I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

This next phase of your life will be incredibly different from anything you’ve experienced yet. It will be harder in some ways, and easier in others. It is important for me to emphasize how much you don’t know, and to be humble and honest about it, because every 18-year-old thinks that they know the world. I did. Sometimes I still think back to when I was 18 and shake my head at some of the ridiculous things I believed or sought after. Once you understand that you don’t know much, not in a self-deprecating way, but in an honest and mature way, you can keep yourself open to those older and wiser, who maybe know a little bit more than you do. You can also fill yourself with all of the knowledge and lessons that are out there for you to learn and experience.

I am so excited for you, I am so proud of you, and I am slightly nervous for you. Whenever you think in this next phase of your life that you can’t do it, whatever that may be, I just want you to think about how you have made it to this point, and overcome everything that was meant to stop you. I also want you to remember why you started this journey of your college career. As your older sister and someone whose life is both similar to yours and also vastly different, I have been in college for five years and when I walk across the stage, it will have been six years since I started at your age towards my degree. There have been many moments where I did not think it was worth it or that I could do it. Thankfully, I never stopped. This leads me to my next point. The assignments and moments that seem meaningless and insignificant, you will later find out that they are what have gotten you to the greatest view and destinations. What seems insignificant is often really meaningful and important to commit to and take seriously wholeheartedly.

When you are given a really bad hand in life like we have been given, you have 2 choices. You can use it for good, work hard, and come back to win the game, or you can use it as a reason to not elevate higher than it. My advice…do not choose the latter. Hear me crystal clear when I say this: There is a reason you are here. There’s a reason you have overcome everything you have and why you are still standing strong. God has a plan for you and the world needs you. Your choices matter.

College is a double-edged sword, like most things in life. It is a time when you can truly set the world on fire, learning more about yourself and your passion than ever before. It will also serve you some of the hardest moments that you have lived through: financially, mentally, and emotionally. You will meet people who will help you in your hardest classes, and you will meet people who are choosing things that will hurt them. You’ll be exposed to people with every view in the world, and you get to choose yours. With so many world views, passions and backgrounds all in the same place, it is more important than ever to remain grounded in who you are and what is important to you. You are a smart and strong individual who I am proud to call my brother. You need to have the strength to separate yourself from people making harmful decisions. You need to separate yourself from people not leaving the party when you have a paper to write. You need to be able to separate yourself from people who seem like your friends, but really are not. When you separate yourself from the wrong people, you will run into all of the right ones. Being strong in this life is very much about understanding the importance of your life, the people you surround yourself with, as well as the choices that you make.

I expect you to have fun, but I also expect you to recognize when it is time to buckle down. You have come too far not to reach your full potential. There is a reason you started this journey, and I’d like to see you see it through, because I know that you have everything in you that you need to do it. If there ever comes a day when you find that this is not your journey, then there are other ways to build a successful life. As long as you have done the proper soul-searching, then I will trust the decisions you make, and I will be there for you every step of the way.

This now truly becomes your life. To sum up the important points:

What feels insignificant is often meaningful. The decisions you make are important and they matter, choose wisely, they will determine your future. You are strong enough and smart enough to be successful, and I expect to see you be just that.

Most 18-year-olds will not understand the profound journey you have already traveled. I want you to remember that I do. It is one of the greatest things I have going for me in my life to be your big sister, and I want you to call me anytime you need me. I am here for you, I love you, and I am just a text or call away. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and because I know you will, limit yourself to three of those your entire college career.

I will miss you so much but we will always be brother and sister. Go set the world on fire. Heaven and Earth are cheering you on.

❤️