Persevering Paige

Something I have recently become aware of is how much my studies can take away from what is important. What do you mean by that, Paige? Are your studies not important to you? No–they are. Here is what I mean.

My college journey in particular is one that is non-traditional. I did not go straight from high school to a university. (Well, I tried to and came home within the first week. Okay, not the point.) I am a community college student in my final stretch, and because I am a community college student, it is taking me a little bit longer to get done. There are many factors at play with that being said…I have to have a job while at community college so that has something to do with the amount of time it is taking me. I have also had some extremely difficult hurdles to overcome while in school that are completely out of my hands, such as the death of a loved one my first year of school. Due to having to work two jobs the majority of the time I have spent at community college, I usually do not take a full course load and hence, I am only a part-time student.  I am about to finish my summer classes, and finally be in the homestretch of my associates degree! It feels good to say the least, but I have recently come to a realization that I wish I had come to sooner.

I have stressed so much over college in my time since graduating high school. There has been this push from inside myself to “get there”, no matter the stress or anxiety the work and life along with it puts me through. Drive is a good thing, but it in this case, it reveals its negative twist. In this phase of my life I am currently in, I am struggling to get to where I want to be, and I have seen the worst parts of myself since I started college.

The other day I was watching my stepfather clean fish outside on the picnic table, when I just looked at him and began to tear up. It probably sounds so silly to someone reading this, but it’s true. In that moment, I became fully aware of him. You may be wondering what I mean by that. In that moment that I was standing there looking at him, I was filled with this sense of complete awareness that my stepdad is seventy and amazing. I began to see this moment as a gift wrapped in shiny paper and a bow, and I wondered just how many simple, sweet moments like this one that I had missed because I was stressing, worrying, or drowning myself in too much work. Some may say, “Well, you can’t think like that.” But sometimes we do, and it awakens us. It is sometimes the light inside of us that says, “Hey, you don’t have to live like this.”

We all want to reach our goals. I know it is going to feel so incredibly good when I walk across the stage and receive my degree. I think often about how rewarding that day will be. However, I just hope that when I get there, I won’t look out onto the view and think that I missed the adventure, that I was irritable to those I love most because I was stressed, or that I missed simple sweet moments. So I challenge you, is there a degree, a job, a relationship that you are giving up too much of your own self for? Take ownership of your life and change it. Adjust your focus, and your stress level with it. Remember that you are not less because you are not where you want to be. You will get there, but you don’t want to look at the view and have missed the adventure.