Persevering Paige

My best friend and I decided to take time to ourselves after five years together. This isn’t a post to tell you how bitter I am, how angry I am, or how much I want us back. In fact, it’s the quite the opposite. It’s a post to tell you how much I love and appreciate you, while I make sense of moving forward. You know more than anyone that writing is my way of coping, and I hope with this piece that everything will become easier to understand.  
I know this is different but I truly believe that more things such as this should be put into the world. So here I am.
The last five years have been a rollercoaster. I am thankful for you. I’ve learned a lot about myself from you and I am eternally grateful for that. 
Thank you for the ups, the downs, and everything in between. I have grown with you by my side, and wow, I don’t have words for all you’ve seen. Thank you for being supportive while you were there, for so much. Thank you for letting me talk about my parents and best friend who reside in the beautiful and everlasting Heaven above. You are a great listener. It’s amazing how you were able to be there for me having never gone through those experiences yourself. I probably told you the same stories about my parents over and over again, but you never told me, “I’ve already heard this one”, you always let me talk. You never met my parents, but secretly, it always felt like you did.
I have a lot of feelings. Thanks for letting me ramble on for hours upon hours, talking about my feelings that never seemed to end. You are a trooper. I will try to keep this one relatively short. 

Thanks for all the date nights, advice, masses you sat through, the list goes on.

I love you, and I always will. That will never change. My heart may be very scarred, bruised, and sewn back together; let’s be honest, it’s not in the best of shape…but there will always be a special part of it reserved for you. 

Age 15 to age 20, that’s a quarter of my life spent with you. If you learned anything from dating me for so long, my hope is that it was this: You are going to be faced with immense heartbreak in life, but you are strong enough, brave enough, and capable enough to make it through. You are enough, never forget that.

I won’t look at another man in a romantic way for a very long time, but when I do, I hope he is half the person you are. You have some amazing qualities that will be hard to find in someone else.

You are going to make an amazing sports radio talk show host one day. But even more than that, you are going to make an amazing husband and father. Your wife will be really lucky one day. I can only hope she is deserving of you. It’ll be tough. I know, as I struggled with that task for the last 5 years.

I know there’s jokes, and stereotypes, probably even memes, about how you should not or cannot be friends with your ex lover, but you’re not just my ex lover, you’re my best friend, and that’s never going to change. Thank you for the memories, and if you ever feel down, or need something…I hope you know you’ve got a friend in me. 

Maybe I’ll run into you in a coffee shop 3 years from now, and we will fall back in love…or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll be sitting in my car and you’ll come across my radio, and I’ll think to myself, “Yesss, I know him!!” as a smile and a tear both enter my face. Either way, I can’t wait to see you be all that I knew you would. 

This isn’t how I planned things to be, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in life, it’s that, things don’t always work out how they’re supposed to. That’s a hard concept to grasp for me, because I’m, modernly put, a softie. I’m very in tune with my emotions and feel everything so deeply. It’s okay to be confused and question things. I pictured us taking on life together one day. I will just get to watch you from a different angle. I have learned to surrender myself, my plans, and my internal picture of how I thoughts things would be to the Lord. His plans are ever so greater than mine. They always seem to be.

To the boy who took of his white t-shirt on a hot summer day five years ago to wipe away my tears, thank you. I wouldn’t mind if my daughter had a first love like you one day.